I'm afraid I cant hold it any longer.

Hypocrites.

It's interesting to see how fake certain people can be.
One minute ago you can be posting something bitching about me on social media and
the next minute you are smiling and acting nice to me.
Two-faced. That's what you are.

I'm not too sure which is worst.
Knowing that you are one fake ass bitch or
knowing that my boyfriend still trusts you.

It hurts.

There's nothing I can really do.
I have to suck it up.
I sucked it up.
I am still sucking it up.

I dont know how long more I can suck this shit up.

It cuts me deep.
Not being able to do or say anything about it.
Not having it in the way I wish, I feel like I'm losing.
That's not a nice feeling.

Friends mean so much to you.
You have so many off them.
So many off them are what you call your "best".
I honestly do not care about most of them.
What I care most was those who you had feelings for.
But I'm moving on, my best to get pass that.

Halfway through, here comes a fox.
Seemed harmless initially but proven wrong big time.
Your another "best" is cutting me deep.

Do I make you choose?
Can I even do that?
Should I even do that?

I did not.
How long till I will?
I dont know.
Will I ever going to make you choose?
I hope I dont have to resort to that.

But it is killing me.
I sucked it up so badly that its eating me up on the inside.
Mentally exhausted.

You knew we are not exactly getting along well.
You chose to not know and care.
I stopped talking to you about it or her ever since.
I tried to dust it off and not put you in a difficult position.
I did my best.
I did it.
Really.
I thought I was actually succeeding in making it.

Until I saw the fox in her act.
Shouldnt have seen it.
But too late.
It's great to know.
But it is not that great to receive it.

What I see now is that I'm not the one putting you in a difficult position.
It is her.
But do you see it?
Or maybe again, you just dont want to care about it.
Or even worse, you still choose believe that I am the cause to it.

That is what is killing me.
To see there is a possibility that after all this, you choose to trust your "best" and prefer that I suck it up and be the person who does not put you in the difficult position.
When the fact is that I've tried and already done so.

At that point, I would be dead.
I honestly cant even bear to imagine myself taking all the blame and suck it up on this one.
I cant.

I do not blame you if the worst case scenario does happen.
I blame your "best". The fox. The one you trust.

I dont wish for this to be a blame game either.
But it left me with no choice.

Never in my wildest crazy action I would do whatever she is doing to my own best friend's significant other.
That is how I make my decision to put my blame on.

Another worst case scenario, this fox has already spread the WOM how much she dislikes me to your other friends or even "bests".
Too afraid to see you think I am the cause to it as well.

I would never stop you from hanging out with your friends.
NEVER.
As much as I hate to see you hang out with certain people, I will NEVER stop you.
But now, knowing that you are still and will be hanging out with this fox, I really wish that I could say no. I really do.
But again, who am I to stop you hanging out with your "best", to put you in a difficult position.

So its on me.
Again.
To suck it up.
And to hurt myself with it.

I suck it up.
I suck it up for you.
I suck it up because I love you.

But I'm afraid I cant hold it any longer.