I'm only human.

My habit of writing online seemed to leave as well when I left for college last year. 

And now, after a year of hiatus, I’m writing again. Don’t ask me why.

The year that went by was absolutely erratic and I learned my lesson.

I realized that I’m not that strong after all.

I thought I was tough enough to overcome similar dramas that have happened before.

I thought I was strong enough to be alone and not dependent on others.

I thought I was determined enough to hit the bulls eye in my studies.

I thought I was smart enough for everything.

But I was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Epic fail in decision making.

I was so obtuse. 

Yes, I’m only human. An obtuse one.

FAMILY is my everything. Devoted almost two decade of my life living up to my parents’ expectation. And fuck, I will continue to carry this shit load forever. I’m not gonna complain. I live for not only myself but for the people around me as well. That’s how it is.

FRIENDSHIP is one intricate shit. Dramas everywhere. Tired of the same shit that happens. Pure manure. Easy come easy go. Those who remained for years, I love you.

RELATIONSHIP is like a tarn of manure. Fuck this shit. It is the matter of being hurt or hurting others. Just too scary. Future bf, please assure me that this shit is actually good and I’m gonna be fine.xoxo.

STUDIES. What can I say, I devoted my life (so far) to you. Well, you’re actually the only thing that I could be proud of? I’m not sure it’s a good thing but you’re the reason why I left home for. 3.9 CGPA in my Pre-U studies only means that I have to fucking study my ass off in Degree. If I fail in my studies, I might as well just go to hell.

All in all, I’m only human.

I try hard. I’m not sure whether it’s hard enough or not but I just wanna be happy at the end of the day.

Like everyone else, 

I’m afraid of being alone.

I’m afraid of being hurt.

I’m afraid of failing.

I’m afraid of life.

I'm afraid of everything.

I only hope for the best to happen.

I’m vulnerable. Very vulnerable actually.